What Can We Control?

You have a lot of control over taking care of yourself, mentally and physically. Do what you can to eat healthy, get enough sleep, get moving and practice staying in the moment.

Routines sound boring, but they can be very comforting when everything else feels out of control. Keep up or start new routines like going to the gym the same day every week or keep going to your favourite extracurriculars to give your life a bit of structure.

Whatever is going on with your parents, you can still go after your own goals. Your goals can be about anything you care about. Make them concrete and realistic. “I want to write 3 new poems by the end of the week” is a great goal. Try setting a goal for this week, this month and this year.

You can’t control what feelings pop up and when, but you can control how you express them. See Feelings and Dealing with Feelings.

You control whether you ask for help. You can work on your relationships and find people who you care about and who care about you. Who can offer you understanding, empathy and guidance? Finding those people can help you feel connected and like you belong. 

See Who’s in Your Family?.

Keep up with your hobbies, get out in nature, and volunteer in your community. Activities you are passionate about can be a positive outlet for stress and help give you a sense of identity and fulfillment. See Connecting with Community for more ideas.

You can’t control your parent's behaviour, but you can let them know how their conflict impacts you. You can take steps to limit your exposure to the negativity such as by putting on your favourite music when you hear fighting or simply walking away. See Caught in the Middle. 

The same goes for other relationships in your life. Do you find yourself hanging out with someone who makes you feel drained and bad about yourself? Consider stepping back and finding people and places that make you feel at peace. See Challenging Relationships.

It’s easy to dwell on the bad things that have happened to you or worry about the future. You can’t change what happened. You can practice staying in the present moment by practicing gratitude and mindfulness.

Some teens hope and believe that if they try to be on their very best behaviour, their parents will get back together. However, this plan isn't likely to work, since your parents' decision to split up had nothing to do with you. Their decision to separate or divorce is usually final.

Ideally, your parents will make the decisions together about who you will live with. You have the right to voice your views about things that impact you. They should take your views seriously, but they may not always be able to give you exactly what you want. See Best Interests of the Child and Your Voice for more information.