Key Takeaway
Knowledge is power. Understanding the process of divorce and separation will help you to feel less unsure.
Click on the words below for definitions
Separation
When two people have been living together as a couple and they decide to no longer be a couple, they are separated. While many couples decide not to live together anymore, they can still be separated even if they stay in the same house. Parents who are married are still married even if they are separated.
Separation Agreement
Parents often make a separation agreement that states who their children are going to live with and how they are going to divide their property. A separation agreement is not the same as a divorce, but it is a contract, which means that both parents sign it and then have to do what they have agreed to.
Divorce
When parents get a divorce, it means they are legally ending their marriage. Couples who were never married do not need to get a divorce. The laws about divorce are the same across Canada. People in British Columbia get divorced the same way people in Newfoundland get divorced. A divorce can only be granted by a judge. Usually, parents have to be separated for at least a year before they are able to officially get divorced.
Lawyer
The lawyer's job is to help parents understand the laws on separation and divorce, and to help them do what they think is best for their kids. Each parent may have a lawyer or they may not. It is becoming more common for kids and teens in family law cases to also get their own lawyers, particularly when there is a lot of conflict between parents.
Mediation
Parents going through a separation sometimes use mediation, a process led by a neutral mediator trained to help resolve conflicts. Unlike a judge, the mediator doesn't make decisions. During a few meetings, the mediator assists the parents in reaching an agreement that suits everyone's needs. Going to court is only necessary if an agreement can't be reached through mediation.
Conferences
If your parents have applied to the court for help resolving their disagreements, they may have to attend different types of meetings. These are sometimes called case conferences or settlement conferences. They may be overseen by a judge or another family law professional. The goal of these conferences is to see if there are any issues your parents can agree on without a full trial, as well as to see if there is anything that needs to be done to make the case go smoothly.
Court
Sometimes parents have to go to court to have a judge make decisions for them because they aren't able to reach an agreement themselves. Children and teens usually don't have to go to court. However, someone who works for the court might meet with you to find out what is best for you. The court process can sometimes take a while, and your parents may have to wait a long time for a court date. They might also have to go back to court several times.
Common Law Couple
Some parents choose to live together without getting married. In legal terms, this is called a “Common Law” relationship. When common law parents stop living together, they don't have to get a divorce, because there is no marriage to end. But they do need to decide what will happen to their kids and how they will divide their property. Kids of common law couples have all the same rights as kids of married couples.
Child Support
The money one parent pays to the other to financially support their children after a separation or divorce. Even though it is paid to a parent, it is the right of the child. It is usually ongoing monthly payments to the receiving parent until the child is no longer dependent on their parents. The law says that parents have to look after their children financially, even if one parent doesn't see or take care of the children.
Judge
If parents can’t agree on how to take care of their kids after they separate, they can apply to the court to have a judge decide what to do. A judge’s main job in a family law case is to look out for the best interests of the children involved. When a judge makes a decision it is called an order.
Trial
A trial is a hearing in front of a judge where both parents or their lawyers present evidence, examine witnesses, and make arguments about why the judge should decide things the way they want them decided. This is a very expensive, stressful and time consuming process to go through. Most separating couples are able to work out issues without having to go to trial.
Guardianship, decision making responsibility or custody
What it is called depends on which law is involved in your case, but they generally mean the responsibility of making major decisions about the child’s wellbeing, upbringing and care. Remember that family laws and court processes can be different depending on which province or territory you are in. Be sure to go to Getting Help to find resources in your area.
The kinds of decisions that need sorting out
Common issues
Remember
Reach out for support if you feel overwhelmed or are struggling. Try the Kids Help Phone or see Getting Help for resources in your area .
When it comes to deciding where you'll live after your parents split up, your opinion matters. Parents and judges have to make decisions that they believe are best for you, and they must take your thoughts into account. It’s not as simple as doing what you want. The law says your parents and judges must consider a bunch of other things as well, like how well you get along with each parent, the stability of their homes, and how well they can take care of you.
It is becoming more common for kids to have their own lawyer represent them in family law cases, especially in ones involving a lot of conflict between parents. However, many people are still reluctant to give kids a formal role to play in court proceedings because they are worried about exposing them to conflict. Sometimes a judge might appoint a lawyer for you, but in many cases you’d have to look at getting one on your own. If you are interested in getting legal representation, reach out to children’s rights organizations in your area. We have many of these organizations listed in Getting Help.
It is generally the responsibility of your parents to ask and pay for child support. Child support is the right of the child, but is generally paid to the receiving parent rather than directly to the child. However, there are cases when kids (and adults still dependent on their parents) can seek an order for child support. Making a claim for child support can be quite complicated. If you're thinking about doing this, speak to a lawyer first. See Getting Help for legal help resources in your area.