Key Takeaway
It's completely normal to feel a mix of emotions when your parents split. Your feelings are valid, even if they're painful. Remember, this won't last forever, and there are ways to cope.
Get Help
Visit Kids Help Phone and Mind Your Mind for extra support and resources when it comes to looking after your mental health.
How are you feeling?
Shock
“I can’t believe my parents are breaking up. I feel numb.” Shock is a normal reaction to a traumatic experience. It's your body's way of protecting you in a difficult situation. Shock might make you feel dazed and distracted. Or it might make you just feel numb, or like crying all the time. This will eventually pass.
Confusion
“What is going on? How did this happen???” If you don't have enough information about what is happening in your family and why, you will probably feel confused.
Guilt
“It’s all my fault” Sometimes young people feel a sense of guilt when their parents split up, as though they are somehow responsible for what has happened. But parents split up because of problems in their relationship, not because of their kids. It's not your fault!
Anger
“How could they do this to me!? They should have tried harder!” Once the shock begins to fade, you might feel really angry, especially at your parents for causing this to happen, for not working hard enough to prevent it, or for letting you down. Anger is a normal feeling that everyone experiences from time to time. It's okay to feel angry! But it's not okay if you act on it in ways that hurt you or others.
Anxiety
“I’m stressed out just thinking about talking to my parents. They are so on edge and so am I!” Anxiety is a really intense and uneasy feeling of being scared. It's a normal reaction when you feel like there's danger or things are unsure. When your parents are splitting up, there's a lot of stuff that's uncertain. It makes sense you’d feel anxious!
Relief
“There is way less fighting now that they aren’t together all the time. It’s actually kind of nice!” Some teens actually feel relieved when their parents split up, especially if there has been a lot of fighting, tension or violence between their parents. You don’t need to feel guilty about feeling relief!
Sadness
“Everything feels messed up. I miss how things used to be.” You might feel sad about the things you feel you’ve lost: your old life, the way your family used to do things, or seeing both your parents everyday. It's a lot like grieving when someone close to you has died. Grieving and feeling sad is a necessary and natural part of the process. It is okay to feel sad.
Embarrassment
“I feel like everyone is pitying me” When your parents split up, you might feel embarrassed. It's normal to feel awkward about your family situation or think it's uncool to show your feelings. But it's important to know that feeling this way is normal. Many teenagers have gone through the same thing. You might even know some. Remember to be kind to yourself and not judge your feelings.
False Hope
“They seem to be getting along better. Maybe they will get back together after all!” You may really believe that your parents will get back together and try very hard to make it happen. But this can be a way of denying what is really going on in order to protect yourself. Chances are your parents reached this point only after trying very hard to save their relationship, and their decision to split up is final. It's hard, but it's probably better for you to begin to accept the situation as it is so you can heal and move on.
Wellbeing
When you are feeling down, it is important to look after yourself and prioritize self care. Self care means doing something nice for yourself- this can look different for different people. For some, having a bubble bath and listening to music makes them feel better. For others, exercising or meeting with friends makes them feel better. Do what makes YOU feel good! See Self Care Strategies for more tips.
You are not the reason for your parents splitting up. Parents split up because of problems in their relationship. It's not your fault!
Many teens whose parents split up feel anxious about their own relationships in the future. But just because your parents split up doesn't mean the same thing will happen to you. What happens in your relationships will be up to you, not your parents!