La façon dont vous annoncez à vos enfants que vous vous séparez a beaucoup d’importance quant à la façon dont ils accepteront le changement. Expliquez-leur clairement que ce n’est pas leur faute, que vous prendrez soin d’eux et que vous continuerez de les aimer.
Assurez-vous qu’ils comprennent ce qui suit :
Many kids feel guilty and that they did something to cause the break-up. Emphasize they are not the reason for their parents splitting up. Kids do not cause separation or divorce. It is not their fault.
"We have decided not to live together anymore. It has nothing to do with you, and we both still love you very much."
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Emphasize their support network. “You still have us, your cousins and friends who care about you. We are all here for you.” You can also try to normalize their experience and let them know that lots of kids go through this. They probably know some kids with separated parents.
Reassure them you will continue to love and care for them.
“Parents divorce each other, not their children. We will always be your parents forever. We will always love you and you can go on loving both of us.”
Prepare them for changes ahead. Reassure them without providing unrealistic promises.
"Things might be a little different, but we're here to help you adjust and make sure you feel loved and supported." "We're going through some changes, but we're working hard to make sure you have a stable and happy life."
Recognize that emotions such as sadness, anger, confusion, and guilt are normal. See Identifying Feelings for advice on coping with emotions and how to create a feelings friendly environment.
"We want you to know that you can always talk to us about your feelings. We're here to listen, and we'll work through everything together as a family."
FR Lorem Ipsum is simply dummy text of the printing and typesetting industry. Lorem Ipsum has been the industry's standard dummy text ever since the 1500s, when an unknown printer took a galley of type and scrambled it to make a type specimen book. It has survived not only five centuries, but also the leap into electronic typesetting, remaining essentially unchanged. It was popularised in the 1960s with the release of Letraset sheets containing Lorem Ipsum passages, and more recently with desktop publishing software like Aldus PageMaker including versions of Lorem Ipsum.
FR Lorem Ipsum is simply dummy text of the printing and typesetting industry. Lorem Ipsum has been the industry's standard dummy text ever since the 1500s, when an unknown printer took a galley of type and scrambled it to make a type specimen book. It has survived not only five centuries, but also the leap into electronic typesetting, remaining essentially unchanged. It was popularised in the 1960s with the release of Letraset sheets containing Lorem Ipsum passages, and more recently with desktop publishing software like Aldus PageMaker including versions of Lorem Ipsum.
FR Lorem Ipsum is simply dummy text of the printing and typesetting industry. Lorem Ipsum has been the industry's standard dummy text ever since the 1500s, when an unknown printer took a galley of type and scrambled it to make a type specimen book. It has survived not only five centuries, but also the leap into electronic typesetting, remaining essentially unchanged. It was popularised in the 1960s with the release of Letraset sheets containing Lorem Ipsum passages, and more recently with desktop publishing software like Aldus PageMaker including versions of Lorem Ipsum.
C’est parfois difficile de trouver les bons mots, mais voici quelques idées de choses à dire à vos enfants pour tenter de les rassurer.
- « Nous t’aimons beaucoup tous les deux et nous resterons toujours tes parents, mais nous ne vivrons plus ensemble. »
- « Même si les choses vont changer, nous sommes là pour t’aider à t’adapter et nous assurer que tu te sens aimé et soutenu. »
- « Nous savons que c’est troublant pour toi et nous voudrions aussi ne pas en être arrivés là. Tu n’as rien à te reprocher et c’est important que tu saches que nous allons toujours t’aimer et prendre soin de toi. »
- « Beaucoup d’enfants vivent la séparation et le divorce de leurs parents chaque année, et tu vas t’en sortir aussi. »
- « Tu n’as rien fait de mal et il n’y a rien que tu puisses faire pour empêcher cela. »
- « N’hésite jamais à nous dire ce que tu ressens et à quoi tu penses. »
- « Je comprends que tu sois en colère, triste, déconcerté. C’est normal que tu te sentes comme ça. »
Ce que vous devriez éviter
This places blame on one parent and can make the child feel responsible or conflicted.
"We're getting divorced because your mom/dad is impossible to live with. It's their fault."
Providing inappropriate details can burden children with adult issues and create confusion.
"We're divorcing because your dad/mom cheated on me, and it's a big mess."
Keep discussions about moving, changing schools, lifestyle changes, etc. for another time. Older children may bring these points up, but if these decisions have not yet been made, only speak about them in general terms.
“We are breaking up. We are probably moving and you are going to be changing schools, and…”
They will need support from their friends and extended family. If you are not ready for others outside the immediate family to know, then this is not the time to tell the children either.
"Don't worry; everything will be the same. You'll see both of us whenever you want."
False promises can lead to disappointment when reality sets in, causing trust issues. It is very common for children to hope that their parents will get back together. In reality, this rarely happens.
You need to be very clear with your children that the decision to separate or divorce has been made, and you will not be getting back together. False hope could prolong their adjustment period. Some children and teens also believe that if they behave perfectly and take on extra responsibilities, their parents will reconcile. Make sure your children understand that just as they did not cause the divorce, there is nothing they can do to change it.
FR Lorem Ipsum is simply dummy text of the printing and typesetting industry. Lorem Ipsum has been the industry's standard dummy text ever since the 1500s, when an unknown printer took a galley of type and scrambled it to make a type specimen book. It has survived not only five centuries, but also the leap into electronic typesetting, remaining essentially unchanged. It was popularised in the 1960s with the release of Letraset sheets containing Lorem Ipsum passages, and more recently with desktop publishing software like Aldus PageMaker including versions of Lorem Ipsum.
FR Lorem Ipsum is simply dummy text of the printing and typesetting industry. Lorem Ipsum has been the industry's standard dummy text ever since the 1500s, when an unknown printer took a galley of type and scrambled it to make a type specimen book. It has survived not only five centuries, but also the leap into electronic typesetting, remaining essentially unchanged. It was popularised in the 1960s with the release of Letraset sheets containing Lorem Ipsum passages, and more recently with desktop publishing software like Aldus PageMaker including versions of Lorem Ipsum.