Key Takeaway
You have the right to share your thoughts and ideas about things that affect you because your voice is important.
Not every family law case is the same. Most never go to court. And very few actually make it to a full trial. But here are some situations when you can express your views and participate.
When parents decide to separate, there can be a lot going on all at once.
- You have a right to know about what decisions are being made and how they will impact you
- You have the right to express your views on the decisions being made about you
- You have the right to be informed of your right to express your views and to participate in the legal process if you choose
- Many parents work out the issues in their separation without ever going to court. You still have the right to talk to your parents and express your wants.
If your parents do apply to the court to help them separate, there are often several attempts to help your parents make decisions without going to a trial. You can tell them you want to be there and take part.
If your family’s case involves mediation, ask to attend if you want. Mediators are professionals who can help improve communication between you and your parents in a neutral and supportive setting, allowing you to express yourself openly. Your family’s case might also involve meetings with judges or other family justice professionals (sometimes called conferences) to try to resolve some issues. You can ask to be involved in these proceedings.
See Legal Lingo for more legal terms and processes.
You can write a letter or record a video message and ask one of your parents to give it to the judge.
Sometimes parents or a judge will ask a professional, like a therapist or social worker, to talk to you about your views. They will then make a report about what you said and give it to your parents and the judge to help them make their decisions.
The judge deciding your family’s case may want to talk to you directly to learn about your views and preferences. A judge’s main job is to make sure decisions are made in your best interest. If you want, you can ask to have a supportive adult with you.
Talking to professionals or judges can be intimidating. If you aren’t sure what the person is going to do with what you say, try asking the following questions:
- Why are you asking me questions?
- What is your role?
- What are you deciding?
- How will my words help with the decision?
- Who will you tell what I say?
- Can you keep what I say private?
- Will you let me know what you decide and when?
Families change, and so do you, your needs, goals and interests. Sometimes schedules need to be adjusted. If part of your schedule is no longer working, think about what is important to you now and why it’s no longer working, and then talk to your parents. If parents are able to agree and the changes are in your best interests, changes can be made.
Get Help
Sharing your thoughts and feelings with peers who understand can make you feel supported and stronger. Try Kids Help Phone’s Peer to Peer Community.
Feeling like nobody is listening during your parents' divorce or separation can be really hard. If you're in this situation, it's important to seek support and find someone who can help speak up for you.
An advocate is someone who stands up for you. They can give advice, offer emotional help, and make sure your opinions are heard in court. An advocate could be any adult you trust. But you might find it most helpful to have a legal advocate, like a family lawyer. They can give legal advice, fight for your rights, and make sure you're represented properly in court. If you want to find an advocate, check out Getting Help.